The Conjuring (2013)

Tags

Horror, Lili Taylor, Movie, Patrick Wilson, Ron Livingston, The Conjuring, Vera Farmiga

I know, you’re wondering why anyone would make such a creepy doll in the first place, right? Yeah, I get that a lot…

I wonder how much my ratings of horror movies depend on what time of day I see them.  I guess if I see one during the day – without the added atmosphere of the night – and it really affects me, that says a lot about how scary/good it was.

Well, I saw this one in the middle of the day, and it didn’t affect me much at all.  That’s not to say it’s a bad movie.  It’s pretty well done…but I’ve seen this well done stuff many times before.  It has most of the same cliches and plot contrivances that most in the genre have.

It looks good, sounds good, is reasonably well acted (particularly by some of the odd kids), and has a creepy moment or two.  Overall, though, it’s not one that will last with me.  It’s just too typical.

Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson are serviceable, Ron Livingston is…there, but it’s Lili Taylor that has to do all the heavy lifting once things start to go really crazy.  I guess the kids pull some weight too.  They have to make you believe they are terrified, and they do a good job.

I don’t have much else to say about this one.  I’ll leave it to Cinema Sins to point out all the little problems with it. It’s fun at times, but I wouldn’t say it was all that scary, and it didn’t leave much of an impression on me.

How about a little innovation in plots, movie makers?  Enough with the evil spirits that go bump, bump, bump in the night.  Enough with the put-upon mother who is always the object of torment.  Enough with the creepy kids.  Enough with the experts setting up cameras and other ghost hunter equipment.

I think horror writers should start with a list of things (see above) that can NOT appear in their story, then start building a plot.  Maybe then we can see something new…

6.5/10

Insidious (2010)

Tags

Angus Sampson, Barbara Hershey, Drama, Horror, Insidious, Leigh Whannell, Lin Shaye, Movie, Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins

I don't want to alarm you, but there's a Star Wars geek behind you dressed up as Darth Maul or something...

PG-13

Rose Byrne, Patrick Wilson, Ty Simpkins, Lin Shaye, Barbara Hershey, Leigh Whannell, Angus Sampson

Josh:  First line of a joke, right?  Guy comes home and finds his wife with a priest?

Not long after moving into a new house, a family starts experiencing strange phenomenon.  After young Dalton (Simpkins) slips into some sort of mysterious coma, the odd occurrences begin to escalate.

For this review, I did something that I did before with Iron Man 2.  I just wrote down my thoughts as I watched the movie.  I tried to keep it spoiler free, but there’s probably some story elements revealed along the way, so read at your own risk.  Not that there’s much to spoil in this movie…

Without FURTHER ado…

Okay, creepy-ish face right from the get-go…not bad.

Ah, Rose Byrne…I do love me some Rose Byrne…

And now she’s singing!

Only in the movies do kids go exploring dark attics right after doors mysteriously open by themselves.

I like that the parents seem nice and get along.

Was I supposed to see something outside that window??  What were we focusing on there…?

Bad acting, doc, bad acting.

See, this is why I would never want a baby monitor.  If it’s not picking up aliens, it’s picking up ghostly voices.

Yeah kid, I’d be a little scared of your comatose brother walking around at night too.

They have the creakiest creaky wood floors ever!

Okay, this is officially enough weird stuff happening to warrant moving out of the house immediately.

Please tell me they at least called the police after all of that!

Aaaaaand, they’re still in the house.

Oh boy, here we go…same ol’ plot device…the wife/mom is always the one who knows something strange is afoot, while the husband doubts it and/or doesn’t want to deal with it.

Uh oh, he said the F word.

Yay, they’re leaving the house!  ‘Bout time.  But I’m guessing moving doesn’t help.  Not against…Insidious!

Tiny Tim music?  Okay, that IS frightening.

Creepy kids running about?  Time to try a hotel maybe?

Who is this lady?

Uh oh, Specs and Tucker…the comedy relief paranormal investigators!  Let the funny begin!

It’s funny ’cause they’re geeks and they like Star Trek and stuff…

Seriously, can Insidious go ahead and kill them now?

Ooooh, that other lady is Patrick Wilson’s mother…I should have figured that out.

Elise has arrived!  I can’t wait for the part where she declares “this house is clean.”

The Further?  What the WHAT??

Way to astro-travel, Dalton, sheesh.

“It’s a little unorthodox.”  Ya don’t say…

Here we go again, the dad still doesn’t think anything strange is going on?  What about all the shizz he’s seen go down already??

Oh c’mon movie, you’re better than this.

Okay good, back on track a bit…

Finally, all heck breaks loose!

This has potential…

She’s the Dr. Seuss of psychics.  “Now you’re outside, let my voice be your guide, keep a steady stride…into the Further you go.”

Ugh…did he wander into Disney’s Haunted Mansion?  This is getting silly.

Okay, the train is officially off the tracks.  This has turned laughable.

How did he-…what happened to the-…where did-…what’s going on??

Bad movie!  No!  Bad!  Go to your room!  You sit there and think about what you’ve done!

And don’t come out until you’re ready to apologize!!

Rose Byrne deserves better roles than this…

10 – 1 for recycling so many scary movie cliches and telegraphing most of the scares – 3 for that horrible, awful, silly ending – .4 for kind of not being made all that well (technically speaking) = 5.6

The Switch (2010)

Tags

Comedy, Drama, Jason Bateman, Jeff Goldblum, Jennifer Aniston, Juliette Lewis, Movie, Patrick Wilson, Romance, The Switch, Thomas Robinson

can you leave please, we're trying to make a good movie over here...

PG-13

Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston, Jeff Goldblum, Juliette Lewis, Patrick Wilson, Thomas Robinson

Sebastian: Let’s put lice in the batter!
Wally: What is so funny to you about the concept of eating your own lice??
Sebastian: I don’t know, it’s just funny!

Wally (Bateman) and Kassie (Aniston) are best friends, though Wally wishes it was more than just a friendly relationship (even if he doesn’t realize that’s what he wants).  Kassie wants to have a baby and soon finds a donor to help her make this happen.  Through a series of events, a very drunken Wally ends up replacing the…donation…with his own…donation, though he doesn’t remember any of this.  Kassie gets pregnant and moves back to Minnesota to be around her family, but 7 years later Kassie and her son Sebastian (Robinson) move back to New York.  Upon meeting Sebastian, Wally begins to notice some similarities between himself and the little 6 year old.  Soon, memories from that night 7 years ago start emerging…

Here’s my theory on this movie (based only in my own imagination and no facts that I’ve seen anywhere):  at some point, there was an interesting, funny-ish script, all set to be made into a quality movie, but then somebody decided to drop it into the big Hollywoodization Machine, and this is what popped out.

In addition to suggesting a very predictable ending, the machine suggested that instead of hiring an actress to play an interesting lead character, Jennifer Aniston should be hired and told to just play herself.  And that’s the big problem with the movie.  There’s this interesting story, with some interesting characters and thought provoking situations, and right in the middle of it is this glamorous movie star.  She just doesn’t fit.

That’s not to say Aniston absolutely shouldn’t have been in the movie.  What I mean is that she should have been playing a character, not unlike the way she played a character in The Good Girl.  She is actually capable of that.  Instead, we have her walking around looking like a movie star, and it makes no sense to see her in the situation she’s in with the characters she’s surrounded by.

Also, the way she’s played (or not played) results in there being absolutely no chemistry between her and Bateman.  He’s a quirky, hypochondriac of a character, and their friendship just isn’t believable at all.  Caroline Dhavernas shows up for about 2 minutes playing a blind date gone sour, and just those two minutes show how much more interesting she would have been in the lead role.  Though, the age difference between her and Bateman probably wouldn’t have worked well either.

Thankfully, there are two characters that do have chemistry, and that’s Wally and the 6 year old Sebastian.  When these two are together, the movie takes on a whole different feel, and I was always sorry when Aniston came back into the mix.  They have interesting and funny stuff to talk about, they grow as characters via their interactions, and you can just tell they’re having a good time with each other.

There’s a good movie here, and it’s a shame that it had to get all Hollywooded up.  A more believable relationship between Wally and Kassie, as well as more nuanced supporting characters (Juliette Lewis and Patrick Wilson are underwritten, Goldblum is actually pretty funny), could have propelled this thing up to a higher level.

As is, it’s watchable, but still a disappointment.  Once again we have a character trying to overcome his fears stuck in a movie that’s too afraid to take chances.

Sometimes people do stupid things when they’re drunk.

10 – 2 because movie star Aniston just doesn’t fit in this movie – 1 because the supporting characters are too one dimensional – 1 because it could have been funnier + .2 for the Wally/Sebastian dynamic = 6.2

Passengers (2008)

Tags

Anne Hathaway, David Morse, Drama, Movie, Passengers, Patrick Wilson, Suspense

hold still, I'm gonna pick you up by your head.

PG-13

Anne Hathaway, Patrick Wilson, David Morse

Claire: Anyways, these aren’t my normal office hours.
Eric: Well, I’m not a patient.
Claire: Nooo, you’re just a creepy guy standing at my door in the middle of the night.
Eric: A lovely man…intriguing.
Claire: Ok, goodnight.
Eric: You don’t think so?
Claire: I’m not going to stand here and debate your loveliness.

After a plane crashes and only a handful of people survive, Claire (Hathaway) is assigned to the group as their grief counselor.  When she gets differing stories on what happened before the crash, and some of the group members seem to mysteriously disappear, Claire begins to wonder if the airline is covering something up.

“When I grow up, I want to be an M. Night Shyamalan movie!”  That’s what I felt like this movie was screaming throughout its running time, especially at the end.  I don’t want to say anything spoiler-like, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I hate twist endings that render the rest of the movie as essentially pointless.  Especially when it’s a pretty dumb ending.  Which this was.

It felt like a waste of some quality actors as well.  Hathaway and Wilson were both fine, but then you’ve got David Morse, Dianne Wiest, Clea DuVall, and Andre Braugher all in smaller, one-note roles.  I suppose Morse fared the best out of that group, with a creepy-turn-sympathetic role, but for the most part, this was Anne Hathaway’s show.

I will say that, after I adjusted to the silliness of the big twist, there were some legitimately touching moments in the last few minutes of the movie.  I just had to put it out of my mind that it wasn’t making much sense and enjoy it for what it was.

Still, it’s hard to say that a movie is worth watching when the entirety of it is just there to set up one final concept.  Especially when the set up is dark, slow, and riddled with almost non-stop moody piano music.  Atmosphere does not equal interesting!  There needed to be better dialogue and more well developed characters.  And less piano music!

Belinda Carlisle may have been right…

10 – 2 for not having very well written characters and dialogue – 2 for that silly ending twist – .7 for all the piano music and dark atmosphere = 5.3

Lakeview Terrace (2008)

Tags

Drama, Lakeview Terrace, Movie, Patrick Wilson, Samuel L. Jackson, Suspense

the script says I hate you, so...too bad for you...

PG-13

Samuel L. Jackson, Patrick Wilson, Kerry Washington

Chris Mattson: Y’know what Abel?  F*** you.
Abel Turner: Is that a “We Are the World” f*** you?
Chris Mattson: No.  It’s a special one.  Just for you.

Abel Turner (Jackson) is a policeman and a single father of two, still dealing with the death of his wife – and some deeper issues related to it.  His new neighbors are Chris (Wilson) and Lisa(Washington), a mixed race couple who immediately offend Abel with their somewhat public displays of affection and Chris’ habit of flicking cigarette butts onto Abel’s property.  Abel begins harassing the couple, and they can’t really do much about it due to his affiliation with the police.  Of course, the disputes grow more and more violent, as meanwhile, an out of control wild fire edges closer and closer to their neighborhood.  Think maybe that will play a part in the finale?

First of all, let me say that this movie is a big big big big big BIG step up from director Neil LaBute’s last movie, The Wicker Man.  Of course, a two hour movie of a dog eating its own vomit would probably be a step up from that travesty of a film.  (Sorry for that mental image, by the way.)

As for this movie, I still couldn’t help thinking that in the hands of a better suspense film director (saaaaay, Hitchcock maybe?), this movie could have been very good.  As is, it’s just passable.  I think Jackson’s character is a bit too angry straight from the get-go.  I wish he’d at least tried to have been nice at first, then slowly spiral into the seeming insanity that he displays from basically the beginning of the movie.  It’s a quiet insanity, but it’s still there.

Also, there are chances for tense moments that LaBute just lets slip by too quickly.  Not to give too much away, but at one point a character needs to find a certain object that is critical to covering up something.  Hitchcock would have milked that object for all it’s worth.  Having it sit somewhere essentially in plain sight, yet unnoticed by another person.  Can character A get it before it’s noticed by character B??  That would be the more suspenseful path to take, but this movie just wants to skip that and get back to the yelling, fighting, and cliche ending.

Speaking of cliches, we get plenty in this movie.  Aside from the usual racial stuff, we have the guy who isn’t sure about having a baby (which leads to several arguments), kids who hate their dad, cops and others who don’t believe the protagonists, mildly corrupt cops who look out for each other no matter what, etc etc.

This is a movie with good performances and an interesting set up that just can’t help but become really predictable and formulaic, despite several opportunities to go in more interesting directions.

Do not flick cigarette butts onto Samuel L. Jackson’s property.  Under no circumstances.

10 – 3 for being formulaic and predictable – 1 for Abel Turner being too mean straight from the beginning – .4 for some moments where the characters acted irrationally just to move the plot along + .3 for some good performances = 5.9

Watchmen (2009)

Tags

Action, Billy Crudup, Drama, Jackie Earle Haley, Malin Akerman, Movie, Patrick Wilson, Science Fiction, Watchmen

I could kiss you till I'm blue in the face...get it? cause I'm-...nevermind.

R

Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson, Malin Akerman, Jackie Earle Haley

Laurie: Jon, please, you have to stop this!  Everyone will die!
Dr. Manhattan: And…the universe will not even notice.  In my opinion, the existence of life…is a highly overrated phenomenon.

It’s complicated.  This story exists in a sort of parallel time line.  One where people have been dressing up as superheroes to fight crime since the 1940s.  Also in existence is a superhuman being named Dr. Manhattan, who was the victim of a bizarre accident that turned him into a sort of pure energy being.  He helps the United States win the Vietnam war in a week, which leads to overwhelming popularity for Richard Nixon.  In fact, when this movie takes place, in 1985, Nixon is in his 5th term as president.  The world, however, is on the brink of destruction via nuclear war, and it seems like nothing can stop it.

Having not read the graphic novel it’s based on, I – and probably a large portion of the people viewing this movie – was no doubt at a slight disadvantage when it comes to understanding just what I was watching.  The alternate reality it exists in is a little confusing, and a little silly too.  Did we really need all that stuff with Nixon?  The makeup was not very convincing and distracted from the reality of the movie.

I’m kind of torn on this movie.  I think I wanted to like it more than I really did.  It certainly looks good, has some interesting ideas, and gives its villain a bit of a twist.  But, the muddy story could have benefited from a few more scenes throughout that helped the audience follow the plot, rather than just giving the villain one of those standard explain-everything-with-helpful-flashbacks scenes.  It seemed like there was more of an interest in style over character and plot, and it’s some of those stylistic shots that could have been trimmed in favor of some more good dialogue.

Most of the actors do a good job, and I especially liked Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach.  I thought he was the most interesting character in the movie, as the last remaining hero who refused to stop wearing his costume, even after a law was put in place banning masks.  He’s always believed strongly in the importance of what they do (for reasons we find out eventually) and refused to walk away from it when everyone else did.

One other thing that did bug me though, was that these characters were supposed to be just normal people dressed up in costumes.  Obviously they have some serious martial arts training, but even with that given, they seemed a bit too superhuman to me.  Throwing a 250 pound man across a room and through a window is hardly indicative of average human strength.  We also see the Silk Spectre II drop from a flying vehicle, crash through the burning roof of a building, and land easily on the next floor without breaking a sweat or getting a scratch.  I was hoping to see these people dealing with injuries, torn suits, and transportation issues.  Again, maybe this is how it was in the comic, but it hardly paints them as real people.

Lastly, I will mention how much I liked the opening title sequence.  The opening credits are displayed throughout a montage of scenes giving us some much needed backstory on these superheroes, all while Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are a-Changin” plays.  It was a good way to deliver information, as well as introduce us to the general tone of the movie.  I applaud them for that creativity.

Being a cutting-edge physicist is awesome because often you’ll get zapped by one of your own experiments and get turned into a superbeing capable of unspeakable feats.  And this won’t affect your ability to score hot chicks.

10 – 2 for being confusing and a little slow moving + .4 for a lot of good songs throughout – 1 for lacking character development – .2 for the Nixon stuff = 7.2