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see, this is what you're supposed to be thinking with...this thing up here...


Michael Cera, Portia Doubleday, Jean Smart, Steve Buscemi, Fred Willard, Ray Liotta, Zach Galifianakis

Nick: How are we gonna get down there?
Vijay: We could use my grandmother’s car.
Nick: Would she let us have it?
Vijay: She’s in a hospital at the moment, hooked up to life support equipment, so permission is not really a salient issue.

Nice guy Nick (Cera) must turn into bad boy Francois in order to win the girl of his dreams.

So I’ve got this really original idea for a movie!  See, there’s this geeky teen who doesn’t have a lot of friends and doesn’t do well with the ladies.  In fact, he’s a virgin!  And he’s really ashamed about it, as any 16 year old should be, naturally.  He’s a really nice guy, but has to sit back and watch as the girls all go for the better looking jerks.  But then, through some strange circumstances, our hero ends up meeting a beautiful, lonely girl looking for a way out of her unfulfilling situation.  He’ll go to great lengths to impress her and be the guy that he thinks she’d want, but in the end he’ll discover that all along he just needed to be himself.

Whaddya think?

It’s been done?  4,768 times?  Huh…I must’ve missed all of those.

Well, okay, let’s borrow some originality from some other movies.  Let’s have Nick develop a Tyler Durden like persona that will help him become the bad boy.  We’ll call him Francois, and he’ll have a wispy little mustache and smoke cigarettes.


Okay, Nick has a rough family life.  His parents are divorced and are both dating people they shouldn’t be dating.  There’s all kinds of comedic potential there…presumably.  We’ll get Zach Galifi-whatever and I’m sure he’ll just make his role funny.  We won’t even need to write funny lines for him.  That should work.

Oh, and the girl’s parents are religious freaks!  And her brother’s a druggie…

Still not enough?

Okay, we’ll work in a big explosion, some animated moments, a few punches, some light sex, and a Steve Buscemi freakout!  Plus…dinosaurs!  Huge, rampaging dinosaurs that are constantly jumping out and trying to eat everybody!

No on the dinosaurs?  Okay, but the rest of it should work fine!

What’s the moral of the movie?  Well…early on we’ll have Nick say “In the movies, the good guy gets the girl.  In real life, it’s usually the prick.”  Then we’ll have him say something in the end about how he really only had to be himself all along.  Though actually, the girl will have never been truly interested in him until he became more of a bad boy.  So it’ll be kind of ironic…or something.  Don’t ya think?

Eh, it’ll all work itself out once we’re filming, I’m sure.

So…can I have money now so we can get started?  Oh, and do you have Jesse Eisenberg’s number…?  Oh…well what about Michael Cera’s?

Michael Cera clearly does not mind playing the same role over and over again.

10 – 1 because it’s just not a very original setup – 1.5 for being too slow moving at times – 1.5 for just not being consistently funny = 6.0