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oh no...you didn't actually watch I Hate Valentine's Day, did you? oh gosh...

PG-13

Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Stephen Guarino, Amir Arison, Zoe Kazan, Gary Wilmes, Rachel Dratch

John: That’s dumb.  Soap can’t get dirty!
Dan: If mud fell on it…
Brian: No, it would wash right off.
Kathy: Wouldn’t the mud be declared clean on impact?
John: Right, it’s soap.  The word means clean!

Genevieve (Vardalos) loves the romantic part of relationships, but not the long term portion where feelings begin to wear off and things go wrong.  So, she’s devised a system in which she only goes on 5 dates with a man before breaking up with him.  She starts to question her own system after meeting and dating Greg (Corbett).

Ugh.  Just stop it movie makers, okay?  I mean, really, are there actual humans like this in the world (outside of a mental institution [no offense intended by that comment])?  Genevieve really does seem like she’s got some sort of personality disorder for most of the movie.  She walks around with a lifeless smile, like a Stepford Wife.  It’s downright creepy.  It’s hard to see any reason why Greg would be interested in her at all.  Also, it takes Genevieve the better part of her life to realize something that a viewer of the movie can see in about 2 minutes.  That is that her dating method is just overcompensation for fear of being hurt.

But I’ve already talked too much about this one.  It’s just not worth it.  Just another unfunny, unromantic comedy churned out by the Hollywood machine.  Though, actually, this one isn’t even from the Hollywood machine, it just seems like it wants to be.  It’s more independent than that, written and directed by Vardalos, but it sure feels like a standard big studio production.

I will mention that Zoe Kazan is really the only good thing (aside from John Corbett’s likability) this one has going for it, and she’s barely in it.

Comedies should have more than just two somewhat funny moments in them.  Just thought I’d point that out to the writers of the world…

Umm…don’t watch stupid movies anymore?  I dunno…

10 – 3 for not being funny – 2 for the leads having little or no chemistry – .7 for Vardalos being kinda creepy most of the movie – .3 for some other annoying characters = 4.0