Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols, Christopher Eccleston
Duke: What about you?
Scarlett: He doesn’t speak.
Breaker: He doesn’t say.
A group of specially trained soldiers, with high tech weaponry at their disposal, attempt to recover a case of nano-technology warheads from the evil Cobra organization. Lots of things explode in the process.
I suppose I knew what I was getting into when I sat down to watch this one, but I was hoping it would be more tolerable than it was. I thought it would at least be fun to see the toys I played with as a kid on display. Unfortunately, most of the machinery in the movie doesn’t resemble anything I had as a kid, plus it’s all so obviously computer animated that I may as well have been watching a cartoon.
The movie is simultaneously more and less realistic than it needs to be. More realistic in the sense that they use more real jeeps, tanks, helicopters, and planes than they should – as opposed to the ones featured in the line of toys. Less realistic in the sense that the other technology is so advanced that it almost seems like you’re watching Star Trek at times. Plus, as I mentioned, there’s way too much computer animated stuff. I felt like I had accidentally popped in an X-Men DVD by mistake. Everybody jumps around like they’re superheros.
That stuff could probably be somewhat overlooked if it weren’t for the fact that the characters are just deadly dull. Their story lines are unoriginal, the dialogue is stiff, and the acting is uninspired. Basically, the movie was made so that they could slap the title G.I. JOE on it.
Way to go Hollywood, yet another blown opportunity to make an enjoyable movie out of a nice childhood memory. Instead we’re stuck with one more hyper-edited, over-loud, heartless display of special effects. Just what we all needed…
The G.I. Joe soldiers are apparently SO good and unbeatable that they’re only called in when the regular army fails. ‘Cause, ya know, you wouldn’t want to use them from the get-go and preserve the lives of those other regular soldiers…
10 – 2.1 for boring characters and acting – 1 for not using enough of the toys in the movie – 1.2 for being overlong and over loud – 1 for too much computer animation = 4.7