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What do I see in you, exactly?

What do I see in you, exactly?

PG-13

Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco

(Horrible quote, actually)

Emo Peter: Now dig on this!

A goofier, more idiotic Peter Parker deals with relationship problems with MJ, while Spiderman has to deal with, in this order, Harry Osborn (aka the Goblin), Flint Marko (aka the Sandman), an alien symbiote, and finally Venom (aka Eddie Brock).

I had heard plenty about this movie not being good, which is why it took me this long to finally see it.  As I watched it, while I didn’t think it was great, I didn’t think it was as bad as the critics said.  But then…emo Peter Parker showed up.  Sure, the cooking/dancing scene with MJ and Harry was bad, Aunt May’s scenes were dull, and the Sandman isn’t a particularly compelling villain, but none of it compares with the utter trainwreck that was the emo Peter Parker scene.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Superman 3, but that sequence reminded me of the evil Superman scene from that movie.  Though, I can’t decide if this one is meant to be intentionally funny, or if they seriously thought his dancing, new haircut, and pointing at women somehow conveyed a dark side.  Either way, it was just bad.

Moving on from that, there’s the makings of a decent movie here, and a huge re-edit could have maybe saved it.  Despite the somewhat disappointing (at times) special effects, most of the action sequences are at least mildly entertaining (woo, high praise!).   Though, they lack any real heart because the characters are so dull.

Speaking of which, Bryce Dallas Howard is totally wasted here in a role that could have been played by a cardboard cutout.   She’s there to be put in peril and to contribute to the problems Peter and MJ are having, even though she never really does anything.

I could go on and on picking this apart, but I’ll stop now.  Aside from the one scene I’ve already blasted enough, it’s not a terrible movie, it’s just an uninteresting one.

10 – 3 for the scene with emo Peter Parker – .5 for mediocre special effects – .6 for dull characters – .4 for that cooking/dancing scene + .1 for a few exciting moments = 5.6